The first date can be terrifying. There are over a billion things to worry about, like your outfit choice or if your hair looks properly combed. You’re scared out of your mind that the date will be like all the others, the ones the just never work out. Or maybe you go months down the road and realize you bypassed all the signs that a disastrous collision would arise, ending in the burial of what was only a short-term relationship. You missed the dangerous daunting red flags.
Most of the time, our anxiety about the date has to do with ourselves; we question whether we’re likable or worth loving; however, you should focus on what you’re looking for in a person and what you’re not. Next time before you go out on a date, calm yourself down and keep your awareness sharp.
The first date offers future romance opportunities, a gateway for first impressions, but most importantly, a raw unbiased evaluation of your potential mate. Here’s how to spot the three most alarming red flags on the first date;
1. They Don’t Have Any Hobbies
Out of all the red flags in the book, this one is the least talked about but probably the most important. If you ask your date about what they do for fun or have any hobbies, the correct answer would be literally anything. If they say “nothing much” or “I don’t really have a hobby,” RUN. This red flag is essential to keep in mind because it has to do with a lack of future goals and motivation to pursue new things. If your date truly doesn’t have a hobby, then it means this potential relationship would consume their identity and, by default, consume yours.
There’s nothing wrong with being dedicated to a relationship. However, relationships are about personal growth in addition to growing as a couple. Individual identities are one of the most essential tips for a relationship to prosper. You both must have your own desires and identities aside from the relationship so that you both feel connected but not tied to the hip.
Finally, suppose your date says they don’t have a hobby. Another reason could be a sign of lack of effort to the conversation, which is not only unattractive but definitely not something you’re looking for in a committed relationship.
2. They’re Egocentric And Only Talk About Themselves
We went over a lack of effort in a conversation at the dating table, but what happens if they put too much effort? It’s common when you meet someone for the first time, they start asking a series of questions about who you are. Actually, that’s really what dating is all about; getting to know the other person. So if you’re on a date and find you can’t get a single word in about yourself, that’s a major red flag. No date should consist of endless monologues and self-centered conversations. If you meet someone like this, they’re probably not the one.
If you are on a date with someone who is invested in getting to know you, you’ll know because they’ll ask questions and listen attentively. The best quality in a partner is someone who can actively listen, someone who is slow to speak. Although this red flag may not be a deal-breaker for most, it’s important to think about it if you plan to have a long-term relationship. Keep in mind, this will be the same person you go to when you need emotional support during difficult days. It will be impossible to find comfort or grow with them if the only person they care about is them.
3. Their Body Langauge Is All Wrong
This one has multiple parts. Body language is a helpful tool to gauge how the date is going. For example, if it’s evident that your date faces you and makes eye contact, they are enjoying the date. However, body language isn’t a one size fits all situation here. What about the anxiety-prone people or the ones who are shy? For example, shy people indeed tend to distance themselves and avoid eye contact, which doesn’t necessarily mean they have negative feelings about the date. So, what body language should you look for?
Look for the instances of genuineness, the laughs, and broad smiles that are difficult to fake. You can also look to see if your date is leaning into you. Be on the lookout for micro-expressions, the less than a second reaction that comes naturally. Body language such as arms crossed, feet pointing away, half smiles, and constant diversion of eye contact may indicate that they’re uninterested or don’t want to be there.
Body language is critical to understand because it ensures that you and your date are both on the same page and prevents you from pursuing a relationship with a person that isn’t really that into you.
Overall, first dates can be stressful so don’t worry too much about discerning if they’re the one right off the bat. It’s okay to appreciate the moment, settle down, and get to know them. Remember they aren’t interviewing for a job and if you treat them like a suspect they won’t exactly be showing signs of enjoyment. Plus, you don’t want to raise any red flags on their end either.
So relax. Be yourself. Have fun.