Every New Year, the hot topic of discussion is always about resolutions. Pledging to diet is probably the most common of them all, but hardly do you hear about anyone wanting to clean house, to clear out the toxic relationships in your life to further your growth. It can be scary, committing to the thought of letting go of people that you care about; but more importantly, leaving them behind will set you up for success and happiness down the road.
See, not all of the people on the list are necessarily “bad,” the issue begins with the fact they don’t want what’s best for you, or maybe the effort they put in isn’t enough to make the relationship work. Whatever the reasons are, if you want to accomplish any new resolution on your list this year, you need to distance yourself from these people in your life; because the bottom line is, we are who we surround ourselves with, and what we become will be a product our relationships with others and how they influence our lives. Do yourself a favor and leave these 10 types of people behind in 2021;
1. The Ghost
Having a ghost in our relationships is actually pretty common; in fact, you may have multiple people in your life that meet these criteria. Ghosts don’t show up and don’t really care about what’s going on in your life. An example of this is if you have a friend that texts you “hi” every 6 months and never responds to your follow up text.
There’s really no point in keeping this person as a contact in your phone, let alone giving them a safe space in your life when they feel like walking in. Large groups are the place to spot a ghost because it allows people to diffuse responsibility that a relationship requires—this year, focus on building smaller but more stable connections. If you do this, chances are all ghosts will be eliminated from your life anyway.
2. The User
Unfortunately, users can be just as common as ghosts, except even more challenging to spot in relationships. Users appear friendly, and they may even seem like they obtain heartfelt feelings of care for you. The truth is, your relationship with them is a transaction, a way for personal gain.
The best way to spot a user in your life is to get a pen and paper and line up the benefits and the drawbacks of the relationship. You should do this from both your perspective and the suspect user. If they are using you, it’s likely this relationship makes you feel empty like you aren’t receiving the same levels of effort in return. The best option for you this new year is to ditch the user and replace them with someone who doesn’t need to fake their love for you. Find someone who actually cares.
3. The Toxic
The toxic relationship is also difficult to identify. It’s most likely you will be incapable of figuring out if there is a toxic person in your life on your own. Someone toxic doesn’t want what’s best for you and probably puts down your dreams and makes you feel inadequate. Toxic people can also be manipulative and judgmental, someone you don’t feel comfortable sharing your feelings with.
To identify this type of person in your life, grab a person who you trust and know for sure that they have no ulterior motives. Ask them about what they see in the people in your life and if they can spot any instances of toxicity. One of your relationships may have turned toxic, and you don’t even know it.
4. The Jealous
The jealous person always makes you feel undeserving of your accomplishments or belittles them to make them look like only minor feats. They compare themselves to you regularly and feel reassured by putting you down or going out of their way to access better things than what you possess. Finally, you may find yourself feeling low self-worth levels around this person and start the habit of comparing yourself to others or looking for recognition elsewhere.
Although this person could be ignored, it’s best to cut them out of your life before they could do any more damage to your self-esteem or personal beliefs about yourself.
5. The Flake
The flake, although similar to the ghost, are not the same. Flakes are much more active in your life than ghosts; in fact, they may hold true genuine feelings of love/friendship for you. However, they never come through.
Flakes may present excuse after excuse of why they couldn’t show up or why they couldn’t follow through with an errand you asked of them. The main thing to remember here is that no one is ever busy, and if they say they are, you’re just not a priority.
6. The Unbounded
This person may be the worst of them all and should be cut out of your life as quickly as possible. The unbounded are those where you felt you needed to distance yourself in the past, so you placed boundaries on how you engage with them. Unbounded people are so dangerous because they don’t abide by the boundaries you’ve set in place. This means that they are uncontrollable and do not care about what you need from the relationship.
Chances are you will find yourself going back on boundaries you have already established with this person, all because of their manipulative/coercive tactics. Keeping this person in your life will put a severe strain on your mental health and probably put a wedge between you and the other relationships you procure as well.
7. The Negative Nancy
Everyone knows a Negative Nacy, the person who can’t find a single thing to be happy about and finds something negative to say for just about everything. There’s not much to say other than you don’t need this type of person in your life. Chances are they won’t change this characteristic about themselves, and the neuroticism will transfer over to you.
8. The Positive Patricia
On the other hand, you might also want to stay clear of those Positive Patricias, the types of people who cannot recognize a crummy day, the always happy people. There’s nothing wrong with happiness. There isn’t anything wrong with sadness either; just be sure to find a mixture of both because having too much of something is just never a good idea.
9. The Untrustworthy
This person cannot be trusted, and practically everything that comes out of their mouth is a lie. Because of their character, you feel unable to trust them with your secrets. You are unable to build sound foundations of trust in the relationship. You do not need this type of person.
10. The Gaslighter
The gaslighter is most commonly found in romantic relationships and can really be challenging to move away from. Gaslighters make you question everything you say and do and like to play psychological games with your mind. The common signs that you’re in a relationship with a gaslighter are feeling anxious and unlike yourself. It’s common for your partner to say awful things, and soon after claiming they never said it.
Being with a gaslighter is having to question every conversation you’ve ever had and doubting yourself, watching your well-being dwindle as the relationship continues. Gaslighters align people against you and attempt to make you confused. If you have someone like this in your life, it’s time to walk away.